How is it July already?
At the beginning of the year, I had great aspirations for personal and professional growth. And I was going to write about all of it and share how God continued to work in my life. Now here we are at the beginning of July, and I’ve written very little. God has indeed been working, but not in the definable way that I anticipated. Rather, I see God’s movement through a season of confusion, frustration, and complete exhaustion (despite not going anywhere).
For the past several months, I’ve hidden away in house slippers while my stilettos gathered a little dust.
Settling into a new home, celebrating a year of marriage, and experiencing genuine happiness and joy with my husband and stepkids have brought a much needed feeling of stability. The contentment and stability at home (finally – I just can’t celebrate that enough) made my professional doubts more obvious. Teaching has been hard this year! (All my fellow educators, can I get an Amen)! For most of the school year, I felt physically and mentally exhausted. Throughout the year, my unsettledness grew: Is it time to pursue more education myself so I can do a better job? Am I in the right job at all? If not this, what should I be doing? God, I want your best, but I don’t know what that is right now.
Isn’t this one of our perpetual battles as Christians? We know that we should want what God wants. We know that we will experience the most joy when we are pursuing His will and purpose. But, how do we know what that is? I prayed for clarity, I talked with my closest friends and family, and I spent time reading both Scripture and contemporary books about personal growth.
Chaotically stumbling through these questions, I finally landed on this: my mission is to faithfully grow in Christ, using the skills and passions He has given me to serve others. The passions that He has given me are for ministry and for education. Whatever job title I hold, whatever personal or professional ambitions I feed, whatever skills I develop; they should assist me in fulfilling my mission. This is why I write; this is why I teach. And this is also how I have confidence and peace in my decision to change what and where I teach.
After months of confusion, prayer, and little insights that helped me define what I believe my mission is, God has very clearly turned me away from teaching college and back to teaching high school at a Christian school. At my Christian school, where I taught for my first twelve years in education. I am excited for the change. I am excited to return to somewhere familiar, while carrying a different perspective and renewed vision.
When I created Steel-Toed Stilettos, I was answering the question, “What shoes do you wear to both safely navigate the rubble in front of you while reclaiming your identity, purpose, and confidence?” I have made it over the rubble. God is molding my identity and purpose as His child, as a wife, as a stepmom, and as a teacher.
As I dust off my heels, I’m excited to share with you the next stage of my journey.